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Good Girl Goes to Therapy: I Thought I Was Going for Maintenance
What happens when the “good girl” realizes she can’t pass therapy? Did I mention I found a therapist? Yes. Life coaching and therapy happening side by side.Because apparently I’m the kind of high-achiever who tries to optimise her unravelling too. This was my first therapy session, and I thought I was just going in for…
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Healing Retreat: My Body Refused to Soften
What happens when your nervous system doesn’t feel safe, even in a room built for healing. The day arrives quietly. It’s the morning of my first women’s retreat, and I’m already feeling unsafe. I almost forgot about it, which means I didn’t have time to back out. I tend to live in extremes.Avoidant. Or all…
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Being Seen, Gently: My First Life Coaching Session
What happened when someone stopped trying to fix me and started listening. I had the consultation in my car.I wanted privacy.If I was going to spill my heart out, I didn’t want walls listening. The data is patchy.Her face freezes mid-sentence.The audio lags. It’s already hard to say vulnerable things. It’s harder when you’re not…
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When Healing Starts to Feel Like Pressure, Not Help
I thought I was doing the right things, but it started to feel like something I could fail at In California, everyone seems to be figuring something out. Coffee shop conversations get personal.Hikes turn into nervous system check-ins.New people I meet have a podcast, a process, someone they swear by. It feels like everyone here…
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Burnout and Emotional Numbness: When Doing Life Stops Working
I was doing everything right, but I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Nature.People.Sunshine.Movement. California is still beautiful.I know that. But I’m not responding to any of it. I went whale watching because it’s an epic thing to do here.The water was choppy. I sat at the front, convinced I’d be fine. Fifteen minutes later, I wasn’t.…
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Asking for Help After Trauma: The First Time I Reached Out
I didn’t know how much I’d uncover when I asked for help I’m not used to slowing down. Listening to podcasts. Reading. Breathing on purpose.Meditating. Journaling. All of it feels new. Slightly unnatural.Like trying on someone else’s habits. Growing up, most things were functional.We maximised productivity. Optimised time. Streamlined processes. Even reading was functional.You read…
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Rupture: I Started Crying in a Yoga Class and Couldn’t Stop
I thought it would just be another class. My gym offers free classes. Different kinds of yoga too. I assumed if it was included in the membership,it probably wasn’t serious. Yin. No idea what that meant,but I signed up anyway. It was a noon class.Mostly retirees. I walked in lateand unrolled my Lululemon mat dead…
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People-Pleasing: The Trauma Response I Didn’t Recognize
I thought it was just my personality, until it started to cost me “You’re my perfect daughter.” She said it in kindergarten.I remember smiling immediately. Straight A’s. Class monitor. Polite friends.A gold-star girl, smiling on cue. At first, it felt like love.Later, it felt like a cage. Under the stickers and praise,I was already learning…
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Between Labels: Growing Up With a Mixed Identity
On being understood in fragments. Humans love labels.They make things easier.To know where a person begins and ends.To decide what to expect. I’ve always complicated the categories.Whether that was imposed on me,or a shape I learned to take,I’m not entirely sure.It just kept happening. One of my earliest memories: primary school.My Chinese teacher studies my…
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The Checklist: Burnout from Overachieving
When doing everything right feels wrong. I used to love checklists.I loved the certainty of them.The way a tick could turn effort into proof. I’d been trained for this long before spreadsheets, learning silence as a performer. Master’s degree: done.Job title: presentable.Promotion: done.Visas in different countries: approved.LinkedIn summary: glowing. On paper, I was doing everything…
exploring mimi
becoming, still