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Burnout and Emotional Numbness: When Doing Life Stops Working
I was doing everything right, but I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Nature.People.Sunshine.Movement. California is still beautiful.I know that. But I’m not responding to any of it. I went whale watching because it’s an epic thing to do here.The water was choppy. I sat at the front, convinced I’d be fine. Fifteen minutes later, I wasn’t.…
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Asking for Help After Trauma: The First Time I Reached Out
I didn’t know how much I’d uncover when I asked for help I’m not used to slowing down. Listening to podcasts. Reading. Breathing on purpose.Meditating. Journaling. All of it feels new. Slightly unnatural.Like trying on someone else’s habits. Growing up, most things were functional.We maximised productivity. Optimised time. Streamlined processes. Even reading was functional.You read…
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Rupture: The First Time I Felt Something Again
What emotional release feels like when your body finally lets go My gym offers a bunch of classes.Different kinds of yoga too.I assumed if it was free, it couldn’t be serious. Yin.No idea what that meant, but I signed up. It was a noon class.Mostly retirees. I walked in late and unrolled my Lululemon mat…
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People-Pleasing: The Trauma Response I Didn’t Recognize
I thought it was just my personality, until it started to cost me “You’re my perfect daughter.” She said it in kindergarten.I carried it like a prophecy. Straight A’s. Class monitor. Polite friends.A gold-star girl, smiling on cue. At first, it felt like love.Later, it felt like a cage. Under the stickers and praise,I wasn’t…
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Between Labels: Growing Up With a Mixed Identity
On being understood in fragments. Humans love labels.They make things easier.To know where a person begins and ends.To decide what to expect. I’ve always complicated the categories.Whether that was imposed on me,or a shape I learned to take,I’m not entirely sure.It just kept happening. One of my earliest memories: primary school.My Chinese teacher studies my…
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The Checklist: Burnout from Overachieving
When doing everything right feels wrong. I used to love checklists.I loved the certainty of them.The way a tick could turn effort into proof. I’d been trained for this long before spreadsheets, learning silence as a performer. Master’s degree: done.Job title: presentable.Promotion: done.Visas in different countries: approved.LinkedIn summary: glowing. On paper, I was doing everything…
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Seen, Not Heard: Learning Silence as Survival
How I mastered being impressive and invisible. I grew up as a performer.That sounds harmless.But for me, that sentence has layers. It started in primary school, when my older sister began dancing before I did.I remember my parents driving her to practice. Watching her on stage, in awe. Seeing her as part of a crew,…
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California Sun: Cultural Whiplash After Moving Countries
Everything looked right. My body said otherwise. When I think of California, I think of people who don’t apologize for existing. Confidence.Volume.Space. Freedom like it’s their middle name. Growing up, we had satellite TV.A whopping twenty channels to choose from. And with that, a choice between cultures. I went to a Chinese primary school,but my…
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Offstage: When I Stopped Performing My Life on Social Media
I didn’t know who I was without it. I just thought I was living it. For years, it lived on a screen, Photos. Captions. Stories shaped just enough to land a certain way. I posted everything. Dinners.Trips.Night out before they even ended. I was the one with updates.The one tagging everyone.The one making sure it was all…
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Drift: Expat Grief and the Search for Belonging
Somewhere between where I came from and where I’m going. I left home nearly a decade ago,carrying something I didn’t have language for yet. First stop: the capital. I told my mom it was just for my undergrad.She wasn’t thrilled.I promised I’d be back after graduating. I wasn’t. The capital was loud.Fast. I learned quickly.…
exploring mimi
becoming, still